Nice Guys

Ugh. It might be true- what they say about nice guys. There is this amazing guy out there who treats me so well. He is caring, trustworthy, thoughtful and attentive... plus he's totally hot and drives a truck! I would give anything to feel about him the way he feels about me.

But I know its not right to settle. He would never cheat and he would be there for me forever, but I'm not ready yet to give up on my chance for true passion. I'm talking about knockin' me off my feet, head-over-heels passion. I still want to believe its possible.

My friend's wedding invitation has this quote on it: "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." I think that's beautiful; just perfect.

Summer?

Nothing like bar review class to smash all my hopes of an enjoyable summer.

Holy shit. Today I found out that not only will I not have Saturdays or Sundays off, but there is also no way I can continue to volunteer where I worked this past year. I have to give it up- and in so doing, I am almost certainly kicking myself in the ass as far as getting that job is concerned. But its not like they'd hire me anyway if I spent too much time being a rockstar volunteer and not enough time intensely studying. If I fail I'm no good to anyone.

So I guess I'll say goodbye to late-night bar-hopping; Sunday afternoon wakeboarding; the idea of dating anyone; and finally, going to court on the west side. *sigh*

BarBri's slogan had better be right: "Do it Once, Do it Right, and NEVER do it again!" Welcome to the summer that wasn't.

Procrastination

I'm amusing myself with all of the random thoughts that pop into my mind while at the library. Anything is interesting when you're supposed to be focused on secured transactions.

For example, I was just noticing that I don't hold my pen "right." I do the bottom two, instead of bottom three, fingers method and I like it that way, damnit. (To hell with conformity!) Why did my third grade teacher care how the class held our pencils?!

Another thing is that SO was sitting here with me earlier searching for apartments in LA on Craig's List. Now I'm finding myself oddly wishing I had something to search for on Craig's List- which is something I never do. Maybe I'll try some preliminary searching to scope out housing/rental markets in areas where I might get a job...someday...I hope...

...Or I suppose I could just keep studying.

Brutal

Damn, last night was brutal. I had refused to believe a closed-book exam could take 5 hours...but it did. Then I looked back over my outlines afterward and realized I had mixed up just about everything in my head. Sweet. I figure after spending an entire evening writing the maximum page limit, there is no way this guy could fail me. Hopefully. Now its down to the final push. (my friend said that phrase reminded her of childbirth...and you know, they might be kind of comparable.)

One highlight: I picked up my cap and gown today! It looks ridiculous of course. But it reminds me that the end is near. Freedom!!! They will never take it from me again.

Still so far away

This is officially the worst I have ever been. EVER. As a procrastinator, that is. I have a final tomorrow and I'm not yet half-way through the materials. The thing is, I just can't make myself care anymore. In my mind I'm already done and out exploring the infinite abyss (yeah, I stole that from Garden State, but I really think its a beautiful concept).

I've tried holing up in my little apartment, going to H's house, hiding in corners of the various coffee shops on my street...nothing is working anymore. Life is distracting. And it doesn't help when, on the eve of a final, I suddenly feel the need to start up a blog.

Tomorrow I will force myself to enter the law library, where the air is thick with stress and the sounds of break-downs. I really hate it there. Its a beautiful building with windows overlooking the woods, but I can no longer stand the atmostphere or the people that frequent the place.

I'm just fighting to pass this class. I can't believe how good I used to be. Throughout the last two years I thought grades mattered. Now I just want to be able to take that walk, grab that degree and run. I seriously need to make myself start caring just a little or I am truly in danger. Two finals and four days to go...

Ugh. Sounds so close, but its still so far away. Screw it. I'm going to go take a shower.